Look through any online dating site. The profiles are rife with people saying they “just want someone real.” It sounds so simple and obvious, yet seems so elusive. Just BE REAL. As simple as it sounds, being “real” in relationships has never been easy. There are so many pitfalls!
- Is honesty really the best policy when someone might get hurt?
- Why am I filled with anger/dread when my partner says, “We need to have a talk”?
- Why do all my relationships blow up when I just try to be a good friend and tell the truth?
What I Am Doing
In my experience, good relationships come down to fluency in two areas that we were never taught about in school:
- Emotional awareness
- Honest communication
Yes, these help people have better family/lover relationships, but it’s not just that. Having these tools makes us better bosses, better friends, better humans.
This website is my attempt to bring these skills to anyone who wants them. The videos are short, simple, and applicable. And not the saccharine lets-all-hug-and-then-get-along stuff that’s so prevalent in pop sites. Once social proximity is acceptable, I will be offering workshops to get deep experience and skill with these tools.
I’ve been doing this for a long time and I’m really good at it. For 7 years, I’ve been teaching in world class courses that train people how to do relationships masterfully, and I lead a community of hundreds of people in Boulder that practice these skills regularly. I have heard people say that these techniques change their lives, rebuild their relationships, rekindle their romances, and save relationships with their children. People come alive! Personally, it’s the only thing that has helped me get over long-standing social anxiety. I feel more comfortable and confident in myself. And I know the territory of difficult conversations now so they don’t rock me like they used to, no matter who they’re with. I’ve seen it do so much good for so many people that I wanted to share it more widely.
Here’s what I’ve learned: There are clear, simple ways of talking to someone where you can be completely truthful, things go well, and you feel more freedom afterward. And there are equally important skills in listening to people that strengthen your relationship more than speaking does. I hope you will join me me.